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so i'm an ungrateful little bitch.
Sunday, 9 January 2011 @ 19:48 | 0 comment(s) | add a comment.
everything that my mum says is true; i'm useless, i'm all talk and no show, i'm not nice, i'm out of control, i'm not human, i'm hideous, i'm ugly, i'm not worth anyone's attention, i'm the one who talks about wanting to do everything, i'm the one who deserves to be jailed, i'm ungrateful, i'm a little bitch who doesn't deserve anything, i'm the one who doesn't even deserve to live, i'm a destructing monster; those words just spat out to me, as my mother is currently ranting about the kind of daughter i am.wtf is wrong with me when i believe everything that my mother says? There are a multitude of trust issues between me and my parents, but when you get call those things everyday, i just want to give up living and starve myself or give myself the most painful way of dying. So that i did deserve nothing but pain. Does my mum know how much these comments hurt? Does she realise that this fuels me to just not eat? Its only 3pm - and i have a doctors appointment tomorrow, where i have lost over 2kg in one week, and with me eating so much too. I don't want to eat ever again, especially after what my mother just said to me - but i know that this will botch the doctors appointment even more. It'll mean even closer monitoring and less exercise. I just don't want to eat. I already had 204cals today. K? I don't need or want anymore. 204cals worth of mushrooms, carrots, and noodles. Blast those noodles. I just don't want to eat.I don't. I really don't know what to do now. |
