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Time changes everything, even you and I have changed.

perfectionist. anorexic. + Depression + Anxiety. In "recovery".  I don't know how long I'm going to be able to keep up this act. I just want to be skinny again.
fourteen fifteen years young.

→ Height: 157cm / 5'2"
HW:45kg? / 99lbs
Lw: 34kg / 75 lbs
CW: 43.7kg / 96 lbs:(
UGW: thin = perfection.

»  yeah that was today. so fucked. but i had so much...
» sorry about not updating.
» god i am so scared.
»
» My f'ed up mind
» my intake
» Its November = new start.
» Halloween.
» the last few days were shit.
» totally lousy, but it is "needed".

» September 2010
» October 2010
» November 2010
» December 2010
» January 2011
» February 2011
» March 2011
» April 2011

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Today has been a rather strange day. I had to see my psychologist again, and she was being nice today. (unlike the dietician on tuesday, who once said (last year) that "once you're in hospital, all you need to focus on is just gaining the weight." Yeah, i took that advice, and it led me to another admission. However, i got the feeling that my psychologist doesn't understand still. She's just focused on the weight, like everyone is, and how "underweight' i am. Well, yeah i know im underweight, but that does not mean im skinny enough. I am not skinny at all!!! There was one thing that my mum said to me today was:
" yeah, anna, look at you, how could anyone love you, when you look like that? you look gross. no one is ever going to want you - all your friends will have boyfriends, and it will be your bad luck that you won't. Why can't i have the old anna back? The one who was smart? The healthy one? Yeah, that's right. This isn't the real anna. This is the "sick" anna. The "stupid" anna."

so much for my self-esteem. yeah thanks a lot. Now, i get those sort of comments pretty much on a daily basis, though it's usually not as bad as this. My psychologist said to me that, regardless of what i looked like, i was still underweight, and all those medical factors (loss of periods, being cold, etc. you know...) is the reason why i'm still as an outpatient. It just got me really riled up. This lead to a binging sort of day. I didn't get to restrict very well (not as well as i had hoped)