welcome.
hi there! you are now viewing skeletalshadows.blogspot.com !please tag before you leave. :)
Time changes everything, even you and I have changed.
|
please tag before you leave. :) |
My f'ed up mind
Friday, 5 November 2010 @ 03:55 | 1 comment(s) | add a comment.
Is it strange for me to see the thinspo you guys have posted up, and yet sometimes, i feel as if they arent skinny enough? Then i would hate myself even more since i can never be as thin as them. I currently weigh 41.6kg - a loss of only 600g since two tuesdays ago. What is wrong with me? Why is my weight not dropping off as quick as before? Oh yeah, i forgot. Im just a slob with no sense of control. I cant say 'no' to my parents all the time when they give me food, i am watched constantly, and when im with my psychologist and occupational therapist, im forced to eat double the amount of calories i have in one day, all in one sitting! A good representation would be on thursday, when i was made to have the yogurt for afternoon tea. It was about 300cals. If i had had it all, it would have been 6 times the amount i had eaten on wednesday. So today ... School was boring, but i had to miss the sport periods, because my mum was 'ordered' by my stupid doctor that i was too underweight (yeah right!) to walk anywhere, and i was lucky to even go to school! So she picked me at the end of lunch. Luckily (and unluckily) she had planned a shopping trip for me. Now, i love getting new things - who doesnt? - but wearing the new clothes is a nightmare. I went to my favourite store - SES - (www.sesfashion.com.au/main/main.aspx). However, it suits the asian body type, meaning i have to get bigger sizes ... I got $106 worth of clothes, but i admit i like the look of them, but i hate how they look on me. Everything i got is in a size 10 or 12, and their smallest size is 6! It makes me feel so big, and a year ago, i could fit into a size 8 perfectly! So ... Intake wise reflected my state of mind after the shopping spree ... I know i should've been more listening to my mum since it was her money i used, but i just couldnt face it.Intake:Breakfast: 1/2 oatmealLunch: rice (30 - one rice ball), carrot (5), asparagus (5), tofu (50) Dinner: -Outtake: currently doing jogging on the spot - 30 mins so far.Will do 30 mins yoga after, and 100 situps/crunches/thigh lifts before bed. - 50Oh i also walked for about 1.5 hours at the shops today :) - 150So today was a good day. I managed to hide two rice balls for lunch that i was supposed to have, so i had only one :) |
