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official 92.6lbs
Tuesday, 11 January 2011 @ 20:20 | 0 comment(s) | add a comment.
92.6lbs on tuesday. i don't know to laugh, or cry.Who am i kidding? How can i even feel 'smaller' when i have so much to lose? Honestly, i'm tired of this. No, i don't mean i'm tired of wanting to be thin. I'm tired of listening to my mum, i'm tired of eating every morsel of food that she gives me, and i'm tired of the weight that i've put on; however, my measurements seem to match the ones i did when i was 41kg / 91lbs even if i am 44kg+ / 97lbs+ now. So my diet changes have been good so far. Now, my new plan is to cut off all white things; so no noodles, pasta, white rice, white bread, flour... Stuff thats white, in general. I dont eat white bread anyways, but i am sick and tired of having noodles - except the vermecelli - thats clear and much lower in cals;officially 93lbs at the doctors. With water weight + water loading. Wow. I'm a bit proud of myself, however i promised myself no hospitalisations this year, and yet i know, if i reach my second goal weight of iilbs, then hospitalisation will occur. My doc was hinting at it today, and now i feel really guilty. My parents also discovered my secret weigh ins and now they took my scale away. I don't want to be their 'normal' healthy weight. I never have been - their 'healthy' weight for me is over 100lbs (i think its 110) and i have never been past the triple digits. I haven't even hit the triple digits. I don't want to be normal, leastwhile now that my thighs are so chunky. I find the less i eat (but i still eat), the more i hate myself, the more i find my thigh expanding. If i don't eat at all, then i see a good change. What has my life turned into? *Edit: Intake (i feel like i havnt posted this in ages) Breakfast:- Lunch: noodles (200), carrots (30), mushrooms (10), egg (70) Dinner: 7 small meat dumplings (280), bamboo shoot (10), Snack: fat-free organic yogurt - 5 teaspoons(50) Total:650 Outtake: 1 hour walk/jog (140) And that's been my total for the past 2 weeks. Similar intake/outtake. I am such a lazy bum. |
