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Back to December
Monday, 28 February 2011 @ 00:36 | 0 comment(s) | add a comment.
"Because the last time you saw meI sometimes wish it was December again. EARLY december (from the 1st to the 7th). I was about 86lbs at that time, and yet living it up my life. I suppose the aftermath of that was catastrophic - landing in IP yet again! - but for that first week, i really enjoyed it. And now i miss it. replies: (as inspired by Liz)
Saturday, 26 February 2011 @ 03:03 | 0 comment(s) | add a comment.
Post: Rant to D & J (my so-called "friends")Mich: thank you for understanding what I'm going through. I know it was self-centered of me to make such a post, but I just had to get it out of me somehow. I'm now with the "popular" group ... as an outsider, but somehow, i feel more at home here. It was my former group, but it was also my first, in high school. I'll see where it'll take me. Charlotte: you too, babe? I need new friends. Gah its a bitchy world we live in. amy: forgive me if i sound up myself, but yes, I AM better than her. Post: I'm Calm Now. Kirrari sings: thanks for your support, babe. <3 nikkii: thanks babe. i'll get past this. Post:“What is food to one is to others bitter poison.” – Lucretious Lola Rose: i'm not sure how to give out the password to my prog blog on Blogger, since its like all public, ya know? I have started posting some pictures of me on my main tumblr -> clicky here and click "pictures of me". I think I'll be posting one pic per day, depending on my mood.  a long busy week...and its not over yet.
Friday, 25 February 2011 @ 02:00 | 0 comment(s) | add a comment.
I'm sorry for not updating; I've just been so busy with assignments and tests and crap.I've gained weight, but my mum says i look far too skinny, and everyone agrees. I hope this is a sign that I have gotten more muscle, and less fat. So a recount of my week (quickly):
Anyway, I've been on Tumblr more often now, so i guess that's also a bad reason why I havent been on Blogger much. I cant decide which is better. Tumblr has amazing thinspo, and is easier to post, in some ways, but when it comes to making long posts, Blogger is easier. xx Hope you're all doing well. “What is food to one is to others bitter poison.” – Lucretious
Saturday, 19 February 2011 @ 00:40 | 0 comment(s) | add a comment.
Hey girls; i feel so neglectful of you lately, but school and everything's been so shitty lately i havent had the want to blog. I have, however, commented on a few of your posts; 42.2kg / 93lbs as of Friday. Measurements still the same (from possible fluid retention, though i hope never to use that excuse EVER again!) My measurements: Bust: 74cm / 28.86inches Waist: 54cm / 21.inches Hips: 72cm / 28.08 inches Left Thigh: 41cm / 15.99 inches Right Thigh: 41cm / 15.99 inches its too hot and sticky to think. i'll just blurt out some facts about my week:
xx *Edit: gah its 4am, and im pissed at D. Yes, that bitch who accused me of being fake and attention seeking. She has no idea of what an OCD is like (and im not saying i know what's its like either, but i think i do have a better idea than HER), she was just changing her layout, and stuff, and she originally set it to 600px, but then she thought it would be 'nicer' to have it at 500px; she later edited it again and her post was like, 'oh had an ''OCD attack'' and changed layout' - seriously, wtf is her problem?!? That is not a fucking OCD 'attack' ! She's been saying this for as long as i've known her, having 'OCD attacks' from covering her book with contact. I bet she just makes this up to get more attention. She never had a problem with it at school; its always at home that she get these 'OCD attacks'. She doesnt even have ANY perfectionistic traits about her, her books are messy as shit, and shes so lazy ass in school and sport, she chose to do 'walking' for sport, and expected the rest of my group of friends to follow her. Well, no fucking way. The rest can be lazy cows but i sure as hell wont be joining them! So id decided to join the gym for sport. Anyway, i'm going to make a sort of 'burn book' and record every 'fake'thing i can get about her, and use it against her someday. If she wants a war, then she'll get one, bitch. Okay, i'm done. I really need to get to sleep.    i'm calm now.
Friday, 11 February 2011 @ 03:02 | 2 comment(s) | add a comment.
 I've calmed down after my rant and after seeing my psych. I've managed to talk myself out of trouble, and it seems that my weight has gone up and down in the past few 22/12/2010 - 42.05kg / 92.5lbs 29/12/2010 - 44.2kg / 97.2lbs 08/01/2011 - 42.5kg /93.5lbs 11/01/2011 - 42kg / 92.4lbs 28/01/2011 - 42.8kg / 94.3lbs 02/02/2011 - 42.5kg / 93.5lbs 08/02/2011 - 42.9kg / 94.4lbs YET, the good news- i've actually managed to decrease on my measurements! This time last year, i was around the same weight, but my measurements were bigger. And when i got readmitted (4th time) i realised that my measurements at 42.2kg (in hospital) were exactly those of when i was 44kg! So, now, even though i'm 42.9kg, I'm a few cm's smaller on waist, hips and thighs :D So, I'm proud of what I've managed to do. But i still think i can do better. Oh, as a side note, THIS is my school thinspiration: (i'll remove it after a day) [pic removed] RANT to D & J (my so-called "friends")
Thursday, 10 February 2011 @ 00:27 | 3 comment(s) | add a comment.
Fuck you, bitch. No one should get in the way of my friends, D. You are just so fucking selfish, and such an attention-seeker, you cry (literally) for attention, and everyone, nice as they are, drops everything to help you. It's you own problem that you don't like me, and the fact that i just "happen" to like the same things as A does not mean that I'm a copy-cat and you don't just get to make snap judgments because of that. You were my best friend in year 7, and now, 3 years later, you hate me so fucking much. YOU thought you knew me. Well, sorry, bitch, you don't. So put your fucking judgement where it belongs: in the dumpster. Because you aint worth squat to me anymore. I've tried being "nice" and it aint working. Get ready to meet the new me.Also, I"M an attention-seeking person? You have NO idea of what I'm going through, and though its not a big deal, you think I LIKE being in the spotlight? You think i actually CRAVE the spotlight? I'd rather be alone in a dark corner than be in the center of attention. Hell, you seriously should just get your facts right, before you become so goddamn judgmental. Look at what she wrote on HER blog:http://f-allingyou.blogspot.com/ - i really fucking hate her. Had another pissy day. People keep asking me, why do I hate her so much ? What has she ever done to me ? Well nothing really, I just think she's the fakest, ugliest most annoying thing on Earth and I don't want her around. Let's call her girl A, this is going be a long story. It all started in year 7. We were in the big 'popular' group. It was disgusting, I was one of the fakest bitches back then, well then again, so was everyone else. All we did was suck up to each other, (girl B) in our group was talking about how I seemed like the popular type back in primary school. I wasn't to be honest, I never claimed I was, so I denied it. But then (girl B) prolly thought I was being idk 'modest' ? So then (girl B) asked girl A if she was popular back at primary and she said yes. (Girl B) was a bitch so she asked (girl C), who went the same school girl A, if she was popular and (girl C) said no. Then they started 'interrogating' girl A, so she said "Oh I was popular at my first school before I moved to (girl C)'s school." Pathetic isn't it ? After all that we girl A and I both left the big group. It was all fine and then suddenly one day she said to me "Denise you know I never thought you were the popular type. BUT I really was popular." I MEAN WTF, who says that to their friend, I never claimed I was popular, plus does it really matter anyway ? I was literally like ಠ_ಠ you fucking serious ? Okay year 8, the copying incident. It was mufti day so everyone kinda asked each other what they're going to wear, girls all do that right ? Well then I told girl A I was going to wear a white shirt with military print shorts and volleys. The next day SHE FUCKING WORE THE EXACT SAME AS ME. No words can explain how shocked/pissed I was. We got along pretty well after I had the major fight with (girl D). Then she had a disorder and she was away from school for a long period of time. I actually cared about her at the time. When she got back, all the popular kids did their little 'charity campaigns', okay idk what else to call them, and started going all "Naaaw I missed you so much, how are you ?" Girl A enjoyed it, she got the attention she always wanted. That was when she started ignoring me and thinking of me as a second resource. You may say "oh maybe she 'accidentally' forgot about you, what if she didn't mean it ?" Well you don't just 'accidentally' ignore one of your closest friends, do you ? Then all the attention died down, no one cared anymore, her disorder was old news. But still sometimes she's away from school, when she gets back she stands there expecting people to say the "oh hey you're back" but no one does, she looked so pathetic. But still she kept trying to gain attention by making people feel sorry for her. After all, that's what she's best at. This year I didn't do anything, I didn't say anything. That doesn't mean I don't hate her anymore. Then she decided to 'leave the group'. She prolly only told Jamila since no one else knew about it. Just because Jamila's nice and idk mushy ? In other words she feels sorry for people really easily. Jamila said to me last week "she's leaving the group you know ?" I didn't say anything. "Isn't there anything you want to say about it." "Well no, what do you want me to say ?" When I got home, deep inside I was celebrating and throwing a party. But then, I should've known, it was just one of her attention seeking techniques. In the end she didn't leave. Come to think of it, it wasn't the first time she said she was leaving. Has anyone bothered to read up to here ? Today I was fucking pissed. Amy was dissing Asian guys. I know it's no big deal and people just diss every now and then. But idk when Amy disses, she really sounds like she means it so I got pissed. I mean, I don't go dissing her Emo style guys with idk unnecessarily long, dyed ink black hair over their eyes and faces. I was pissed in the first place, then girl A says "omg I know right, that was what I was thinking. They're so ugly." I was so mad when I heard that. Ugly ? I wouldn't be speaking if I were her. Then I was pissed the whole day and everyone knows what I'm pissed at. After school at the train station, Jamila decided to ditch me for girl A. When the train came I waved her to come to the same carriage as me, it was obvious I was angry. Then Jamila gave me like a mini lecture ? You know what's funny ? I'm actually helping her gain attention. Since I hate her so much, all my friends feel sorry for her and talk to her. Who cares if I sound cocky, but omfg some of them chose sitting with her over sitting with me. Watch out you, I'm plotting your downfall. ]Say that my legs are fatter than my thinspiration? Well, DUH! She's a fucking model, and I'm just a nobody, who is supposedly "fake". This is what i deal with everyday. At school. FML. Seriously. *EDIT: i forgot to add, that these "incidents" about me being popular and "interogation" never happened. And, as I recall, the "copying incident"? Well, just because I "happen" to have the same style as her doesn't immediately classify me as a copy-cat. I love my classic pieces of clothing; also, SHE'S helping ME gain attention?Please, get over youself. I'm still in a crappy mood. And now i have my psych appointment. BLAH.  thank you ♥
Wednesday, 9 February 2011 @ 02:26 | 0 comment(s) | add a comment.
thankyou, to Kirrari Sings, Paperdoll Perfection, Nikkii, amy & Sarah for your lovely comments about my cover design; i really appreciate it, and you just gave me the best mood booster! I'm still on my period, and it's giving me the worst cramps; ugh. i just want it to be over with.Stupid period bloat and cramps = not a happy camper. It really hurt really badly the whole day today; I find it helps if I move around more, so at least that's a good excuse for more exercise :)intake these past few days have been good, and i suspect i have lost weight. I won't know for sure until Friday, so I'll make a longer post then.Yeah, so much for my "new plan". I wrote this, and yet I'm still in the same routine as before. I guess it'll just take time. i dont have much to update, because i have so much homework! and its only the second week of school!         cover design
Saturday, 5 February 2011 @ 23:57 | 4 comment(s) | add a comment.
 This is a cover I designed for my school diary this year. I would really appreciate it if you could comment on it, this is my first use of photoshop, and im quite proud of it. I know its quite plain, but i am open to suggestions.Update: since Friday, i'm working on maintaining; because i have a doctor's appointment on tuesday, and if i lose weight, then i won't get to do sport (like i would even listen, but i would like the approval); This year for sport, i'm doing: Term One: FitnessFirst Gym Term Two: Lacrosse Term Three: Table Tennis And since i have School Certificate, I won't have sport in term four. I've been slacking in going to the pool (because the weather is just rediculous, and i have a fear of dirty co0ntaminated pools with old, balding, beer-bellied men who just use the public pool like its their own personal bathtub - ie, this happens on really hot days, and its been really really really hot lately), and I can't go until Tuesday, because thats when I'm predicting my period will end. Blasted annoyance. My school's swimming carnival is on Friday and i really would like to go in the races, or at least get active. My intake yesterday, and today have been alright; Intake (Saturday 05/02/2011) Breakfast: - Lunch: a few noodles (150?),steamed egg (71), carrot (25) Snack: Go-Gurt Yogurt (59), a cup of cubed watermelon(40) Dinner: carrot (25), broccoli (20), salmon (200), Total:561 Intake: (Sunday 06/02/2011) Breakfast: - Lunch: a few noodles (150),steamed egg (71), carrot (25) Snack: 6 teaspoons of organic non-fat yogurt (50?) Dinner: carrot (25), broccoli (20), coral trout (150) Total: 491 oh, and outtake on both days revolved around 2.5km~ on my exercise bike, resistance 3-4. And 50situps and 80 crunches in the morning :), plus the usual 30min walk to and from school; not the greatest, but i'm working on it. You know, I've realised that the face of blogging has changed over the past year. The older people who i used to follow now post less, and newcomers have come in. It makes me feel old, but its also liberating to find new people to follow :D xx first week back at school.
Friday, 4 February 2011 @ 02:30 | 1 comment(s) | add a comment.
first week back was hot. The girls' skirts were so fucking short. But i did really really well on the intake:Breakfast: oatmeal (120) Lunch: apple (45) Snack: yogurt (59) Dinner: whatever's there (around 300-400) I'm not too fussed about dinner, because i still have to keep up appearances, and this plan is still going well. I have lost a biit - even though at my psych's appointment today, i weighed 44.5kg / 97.9lbs!!! (i will admit, i drank 2.4L at school before i went, and i ate my apple just before i got weighed, AND i still got some shit left inside of me (TMI = poop.) So, it all works out to 42.1kg / 92.6lbs - probably less than that -which is still a loss since last time they weighed me properly, i was 42.6kg / 93.7lbs. I have so many worries about year 10. There's so much homework already, and it's only the first week. (technically, its week two, but since the teachers went to school on week one, the students are now in week two). xx |
