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the fight of the wills
Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 04:29 | 0 comment(s) | add a comment.
well today was hectic; with lots more arguing, and an almost leap of faith off the balcony for me ... but lets get to that later; Intake: Breakfast: 1/2 bowl (very watered down today) oatmeal (40) Lunch: less than 1/4 of rice (60 - I swear my mum's giving more rice), 1/2 cucumber (12), 3 medium strawberries (12), one cubic inch of tofu (11) Dinner (more like afternnon tea - it was at 4:30) : less than 1/4 of rice (50), one cubic inch of tofu (11), two small strawberries (4), one leaf of lettuce (1) Drinks: over 1 litre of ice water, Chinese herbal tea (50 - just to be overly safe) TOTAL: 251 cals today :) Outtake: 1 hour walking with a loaded school bag. (300) sit ups and crunches (80) the beep test - The 20m multistage fitness test is a commonly used maximal running aerobic fitness test. It is also known as the 20 meter shuttle run test, beep or bleep test among others. i got a horrible score of level 5.5 - * note: im not allowed to run on doctors orders, so doing this test was already sneakily done :) most of my classmates got around this score too. i fail at beep tests. but i love cross country. i did really well in cross country this year, compared to last year and the year before - even though i am at a lower weight than last year :) TOTAL: over 380-ish. *obviously that's not including my BMR and all the work i have to do at school and such... well, onto my very boring day. I woke up requesting a much more watered down oatmeal for brekkie. somehow, i got away with eating only half of that. i THINK plain oatmeal is less calories than cereal - that's why i wanted to switch to it in the first place - but my mum believes it is more ... hahahhaha the trains in the mornings are really stupid - my train came 12 minutes late (and i was already pushing it with the time) so i was 5 minutes late for my first class - which is physical education (ie SPORT) that i love (anything that burns off cals). The good thing was, my teacher didn't really care that i was late :) some teachers are really pedantic about the time. It's like, you are 40 seconds late, and you get a detention. :/ yes, my beep test score was terrible, but i made the most out of a bad situation. i posted yesterday that i was BANNED from doing any physical activity (since MARCH this year!!!!), so yeah screw the doctors. :) i also got away with only eating one piece of my rice (as my mum wraps it in seaweed to make it look like four pieces of sushi as it is less cals that way - at least it is for me) today because now, i have to eat lunch with my head teacher welfare, (i'll refer to her as HTW if i remember) instead of my mum. Overall, that is a good thing, since being a teacher, she is more busy and has less time to look at me eating, but she's always making these stupid suggestions to "up my kilojoules" which i definitely do NOT need , I'd still take her over my mum anyday though ;) yeah so i ate really slowly, and i only "had time" to finish one piece - maybe i'll take a picture to show you the size, since im guesstimate the calories in it based on normal rice portions. The other three portions obviously went into the bin - i hid it first though, so it seemed like i had it all. I AM GETTING BETTER AT THIS. i totally dragged myself around the neighbour hood today, after school. With a very heavy backpack, and an armful of books, it was pure bliss/agony-that-i-deserved. i also took heed of some of the tips that have been featured around in your blogs, as i sat ramrod straight in my chair at school and at tutoring. dinner was a disaster as usual. my parents were about to send me to tutoring, at 5, since it goes on for 3 hours, and there was NO way i was going to eat at 8 o'clock. i had to have my dinner SUPER early. as predicted by me, i was still feeling stuffed from lunch, as rice to me has a very congealed, clumpy feeling in my stomach. so i only had a bit of lettuce and tofu before the "fight of the wills" began. I had finished the smallest rice piece in my rice, and was feeling bloated, and fat, when my mum tried to make me have another two pieces before i could go to tutoring. i refused. a shouting match began like this: Mum: anna, please finish this last one before you go Me: no mum, i'm still feeling really full from lunch (i normally try to skip lunch on a wednesday - but that also involves me not having my one hour of walking, and missing a double period of maths) Mum: you must, since you won't have it at 8. Me: of course i wont have it at 8! Dad: then you won't be allowed to go if you dont finish it. Me: i MUST go. Dad; NOPE. i try to force my way through their clutches, and actually succeed for a few minutes, but then i had underestimated that they would lock the doors. the few crucial moments that i needed to unlock that door were dashed when my dad forcibly lifted me up and carried me, screaming and kicking like a 5 year old, out of the room. I was not going to back down this time.. I braced myself, and launched every physical act of hurting him with my body possible. mind you, if worked. i tried again to force my way out of the room, but again he picked me up and this time, he dropped me. OUCH. now im really incensed, and he starts to make a phone call to THE POLICE. i had no idea what to do, so in the spur of the moment, i ran to where my parents' balcony was, and locked myself out. on a two storey floor. i really was going to jump over the edge, but then my dad said i could go afterall. HAHAHAH the power of suicide attempts. NAH. i was in the corner of the balcony, looking wistfully at the ground, and wanting ot jump ... and fly and glide to the ground. so i went tutoring and had a blah day when i came back home at 8 o'clock. okay, this is getting too long and it must be boring you, so goodnight! (note: it is 1:30 in the morning as i write this - im addicted to this blog, its unhealthily healthy) xoxo anna~ |
