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history: part two
Sunday, 12 September 2010 @ 01:26 | 1 comment(s) | add a comment.
year 7. age:12-13a new beginning yet again...but this time, it was a new beginning for everyone. i went to an all-girls selective school, in the local-ish area (it took about 1/2 hour to get there from my house by train - it was 3 stops away). i made new friends quickly, but again, in the second semester, things began to fall apart. one of my so-called friends accused me of "copying" her - her style, her taste in music, how i talked - it was terrible. it was one minute we were best friends, the next we were sworn enemies. we never really made up since then (though we did get back together numerous times).. i didnt care. i was respected, and i respected others too. my eating was very normal, as throughout the year, i only threw out my lunch about 5 times in total. however i never lost or gained any weight. year 8. age:13 this was the year i was officially diagnosed with anorexia, and the year that was the worst, so far. after my major falling-out (again!) with my best friend, i started throwing away my lunch again. in april, i watched a really gross film on genetically modified animals, and i got really freaked out that all animals were genetically modified in some way. this resulted in me becoming a vegetarian (i couldnt cut out milk coz i still "needed" it to grow), until my hospitalisation in august. the months after april flew by, just i didnt have meat. then in august, i became sick. i had stomach cramps, bloating, and for some reason, a big lump in my throat. i didn't know what i had, and probably never will, but i gradually lost my appetite. i still went to school though, as i believed one day without school would be the death of me. a golden opportunity struck at school. my music class was offered to sing at the sydney opera house, as part of a mass choir. the day i was due to perform was a monday. i had binged on two packets of biscuits on the weekend and felt terrible, so on monday, i had nothing to eat, as punishment. my music class and i was due to go to "pancakes on the rocks" for dinner, but i felt sick eating all the greasy food, so i ate nothing there. no one really cared too much, as i had said i had a big lunch. the rest of the week, on tuesday, wednesday and thursday, in total, i only ate 4 strawberries and one small piece of watermelon, as it was still part of my punishment. i refused all food, except fruit. on thursday night, it was disaster. i was hospitalised. My heart rate was in the 30's, and my bmi was 13.75 *EDIT At first i wanted to "recover", but i had never realised my eating habits weren't normal. i also didnt realise the sheer amount of food they place in front of you as you have "meal plans". i stayd in hospital for 5 weeks, eating a HUGE amount of calories per day ( i didnt count - i knew nothing of caloric values, but i DID write it down on my second admission). but here is meal plan 7 - the biggest, most disgusting thing ever. Breakfast (8:00am):
Morning Tea (10:30am):
Lunch (12:15pm)
gross. i almost puked from writing all that crap. AND thats not even counting the fortisips!!! in the end, i had to have one fortisip per day, so thats like +300. fuck i hated it. but that was only for one week, out of the five i was in there for. i know if i had that much at the beginning, my body would reject it completely. in the beginning, i only had about a quarter of that, and that usually was too much even. This doesnt even count the over-night feeds~the ED patients all had to have overnight feeds through the NG for about 2 weeks at the beginning. so horrible. this isn't to scare you or anything, but thats what it was like for me, in the CHILDREN'S HOSPITAL. and with the worst doctor on EARTH. as a side note, she is STILL my doctor; and i fucking hate it. i never listen to her now. thats a long post so far. i'll update on my day before posting the next part. |
