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Fast.
Saturday, 18 September 2010 @ 04:48 | 0 comment(s) | add a comment.
So yeah. i'm liquid/water fasting from lunchtime today to lunchtime tommorrow, so its 24hours, give or take a few. So basically, since its the weekend, it'll be easy. I',m sick of my plateau - that goes up, and down. Ha - my mum's so naive. How could she suggest that i just eat some carbs and not expect to gain weight? Uh, FYI mum, carbs are NOT good for me. Carbs, sugar and fat. WHICH you are heaping into whatever you give me. So my answer is simple : I WILL NOT EAT. Today has been a good day ONLY IN TERMS OF INTAKE, though. Intake: Breakfast: - Lunch: 3/4 rice (150 - i think it was less than 3/4 but just overestimate), one carrot Dinner: - Drinks: 2L of water whilst shopping, 1L of water (drinking now) Total: 155 cals Outtake: 4 hours of window shopping = walking (400) 50 situps and crunches (50) Total: 450 cals ~ I mean, you would think, ANYONE who eats what i eat would expect to see SOME weight loss, at least, but NOOO, my body is so stuffed up, and its too hard to get upto 500 cals per day. Rice fills you up so much, but compared to bread, its relatively low cal, coz bread doesn't fill you up THAT fast. I mean, you have like, two spoonfuls of rice, and you're full. At least, thats what its like for me. But my mum always make me finish at least half - bleh. Onto my day. For the past month, me and my mum have been going to the city (Sydney) and we've been shopping A LOT. But its all bargain clothing, so its a win win situation. SUPPOSEDLY. Today we were buying jeans, and you all know the horror of finding the right size jeans, well it overwhelmed me. I don't believe it. The size small jeans from Supré fit my ugly fat thighs, but everywhere else was loose. i'm sure you can know the disgust i felt towards myself becuase of the size. Size small wasn't even the smallest size there! There was also XS, and XXS. I saw the XXS first, and i so desperately wanted be small enough to fit in them. We went to the next shop, and tried on more jeans. My mum picked out a size 6 for me. I thought, well, size six - it SHOULD be ok. Guess what. It was JUST TIGHT!!!! I could walk around in them, but it hugged my figure horribly. There were bulges EVERYWHERE. On top of that, my legs just looked stubby. I almost burst out crying in the changeroom, but managed to hold it in until we got home. That experience was emotionally SCARRING for life. I COULD NOT FIT INTO A SIZE SIX!!! It was at that point in which i thought, i NEED A FAST. NOW. So far, its the tenth hour since i last ate, and it feels so good. But i need to get rid of my fat thighs and regain that space in between them that i'd lost from being hospitalised TWICE. So the day in terms of my mood: TERRIBLE. Self-esteem? It has reached the bottom of the earth. Self-worth: Definitely not worthy of rewards. (meaning MUST restrict more, and exercise MUCH MUCH MORE) at least, until i reach my next goal weight. So NO trips by car, and NO loss of control over carbs even if my mum forces me to. I hope you beautiful readers have had a much better day than I. For i know i'm not worth it. anna~ |
