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hello to ten followers! (and a very self-hating post)
Friday, 17 September 2010 @ 06:50 | 1 comment(s) | add a comment.
my tenth follower! wow, its seems such a small number, but the motivation that you ten lovely people give me is tremendous. oh, and i mustn't forget anyone else who reads my blog and has commented. YOU ARE ALL BEAUTIFUL.anyways, my day was so crap. in my eyes, its a binge, especially compared to a few days ago, its much much more. >< Intake: Breakfast: 1/3 bowl watery oatmeal (30~) Lunch: 3/4 salad (no more than 50, since it was mostly celery and carrot), 1/2 a corn thin (11) Dinner: all of my fucking rice (200), lima beans (50) Drinks: 2L of water, one cup of chinese herbal tea(50) Total: 391 cals Outtake: 2 hours of walking :) with my backpack and stuff - 500 situps and crunches (80) Total: 580 Net Total: -189 wow. surprisingly neg cals today. i SO wanted to fast until lunch time tommorrow, but then my mum MADE me have all my rice. STUPID CARBS. at least for lunch i had a salad; its' still my welfare teacher who watches me so most of the time i can get away with not finishing everything. i really hate it at home, so most of the time i'd just stay out of the house until it's dinnertime, and during the few hours to myself, i would not stop moving. i think i'd did over two hours of walking today, since i didn't stop moving from 3:30pm to about 6:00pm, so at least that was a really good accomplishment. or so i thought. now that i think about it, its really not that much. ugh. i feel like such a pig today. in my haste to make sure i finished before seven o'clock for dinner, my mum forced me to have ALL my rice. eugh. i feel so fat and terrible. i hate how rice makes me feel now. my stupid mum won't let me go rice-free. everytime i eat rice now, its like it swells in my stomach, then i cant eat anything else. STUPID STUPID STUPID. how can i keep doing this? how can i have no control? how can i let my mum be in charge of me? there is only one answer. it's because i am worthless, a selfish pig, and destined-for-fatness(at this rate). eugh. i am so dead. however, i 'm going to MAKE SURE that tommorrow MUST be a good day. no eating until 1pm, and that WILL be a salad. THEN at dinner, i MUST fast, or if that's impossible, then i will have NO MORE than half on my plate, veggies included. I MUST. I MUST. I MUST. now i need some asian thinspo ...                   |
