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finally....a good start yesterday,
Tuesday, 28 December 2010 @ 03:23 | 1 comment(s) | add a comment.
Check this out:
According to this, anyway, it says i should be 99lbs to 121lbs. That's way too much. At the moment, i am 93lbs. Meaning i fit the criteria of a person who is 4'9" - 4'10". I feel happy about that, but my weight in numbers will not does not equate to what i look like. It's not just me, my psychologist said about two months ago, that it's not based on how you look, because your weight cannot be determined by how you look. Just in the way she said it has got me frustrated because im fucking fat for 5'2". I'm NOT skinny! my thighs freaking touch even at 88lbs!!! well yesterday was my Buddhist Cultural festival / volunteering / restriction day. It meant that i had to wake up at 5am, yet i got to the temple (2hours away) at 9:30am, after the fog on the mountain held me up because my driver was too scared to drive. I reckon i had a panic attack on that mountain too. My heart was racing, and i could hear it beating/drumming really really loudly, and my palms got really cold and sweaty; it was scary. I was sleep deprived (after only gettting to sleep at 2am) but i wanted to make the most of my hours awake. So, when i got to the temple, my youth group friends all were already setting the place up for the festival. I jumped in to help, and my day began. I only stopped for lunch, and i ate as little as possible (because everyone was watching), i just spread my food around on the plate. What was so weird was EVERYONE commented on how skinny i was ... it was so weird to get those comments all day. Yesterdays' Intake: Breakfast: 200 calories worth of Special K + milk (as Lunch: small portion of rice (100), bok choy + other leafy veggies (50) Dinner: brown rice (150), steamed fish (50), leafy greens (20) Total: 570 That's definitely the lowest it has been in the past month or so; i want to be thin so badly now. Today's intake: Breakfast: - Lunch: rice (200), egg (75) Dinner: 2 prawns (20), rice (150), leafy green veggies (20) Snacks: small tub fat-free yogurt (it's only 52cals per serving!) + 5 blueberries (4 - each blueberry is 0.78cals!) Note: the snack was my afternoon tea; because i didn't eat breakfast. Oh wells. Tomorrow, i have a psychologist appointment, post-discharge psych appointment, that is. I don't know HOW i could eat so much this week. I'm repulsed. I will find my weight out tommorrow, and i already know i'm going to be ashamed of it. I will have |
