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Tuesday, 21 December 2010 @ 21:58 | 2 comment(s) | add a comment.
Still inpatient, and waiting to get out. It all depends on today's meeting at 3:30pm ... It's 1:11pm right now, and whilst i'm not totally freaking out about how much i ate, i am very nervous. I have a new found sight towards my body. I have bulges and pockets of fat everywhere - and today im wearing my tights just to show how hideous my body has become since this admisssion. This system is much different from the UK and the US. Apaarently in the UK, there are day-programs where it's less intensive, and less invasive - apparently they only use the NG tube when it's neccessary ... at least, that's what my nurse told me. She's from the UK, and just came to Australia 6 weeks ago. She agrees that hospitalisation for some people just doesn't work - as in, it doesn't really make anything better, so she agrees that the "anorexia" just doesn't get better whilst in hospital. I'm 92.7lbs as of Tuesday's weight. BUT i look like i'm at least 110lbs. I have this massive balloon thats overwhelmed my used-to-be flat stomach, and my ass is another two giant balloons protruding from me. My thighs have e x p a n d e d 4cm in the past two weeks; 4cm!!!! Not 1cm, not 2, not 3, but 4 freaking centimetres!!!! That's 1.5 inches!!! And that's only my thighs!!! My thighs don't have that lovely gap i used to have, no matter how small it was at 90lbs. My legs aren't toned and now they touch from the top to the knees, have a tiny gap, then my calves touch, then a tiny tiny gap, then my ankles touch again, so it looks like this: Also, the good thing is that i probably miscalculated the cals in my meal plan so it looks more like this: breakfast: - one serve cereal (110-120) - one serve fruit (50-60) - one piece of thin wholemeal bread + one thin layer margarine (100) - 150ml milk (100) - 200ml juice (70-80) morning tea. - 2x 20g Bega cheddar cheese (170) - 6x Arnotts water crackers (78) - one serve of fruit (50-60) - 200ml juice (70-80) lunch. - 1 1/2 sandwich (600-750) - 300ml strawberry/chocolate Moove (200-210) - one serve of fruit (50-60) - one side salad (20-30) afternoon tea. - one serve of fruit (50-60) - one piece of thin wholemeal bread + one thin layer margarine (100) - two yogurts (200) dinner. Its 1000cals worth - we had a choice one time, 3 slices of pizza + 100ml vanilla icecream - one serve meat (200-400) - one serve vegetables (20-100) - one serve carbs (150-300) - 100ml vanilla icecream(100) - one serve of lemon, or chocolate cake (250) supper. - 300ml milk(200) - 2 biscuits (150-250) total: 3088-3788 *EDIT: i am now outpatient!!! i will start planning. so i will update later. :) A life of thin will await me...yet again. |
