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Time changes everything, even you and I have changed.

perfectionist. anorexic. + Depression + Anxiety. In "recovery".  I don't know how long I'm going to be able to keep up this act. I just want to be skinny again.
fourteen fifteen years young.

→ Height: 157cm / 5'2"
HW:45kg? / 99lbs
Lw: 34kg / 75 lbs
CW: 43.7kg / 96 lbs:(
UGW: thin = perfection.

» going to post from email from now on ...
» botched up my fast just that tiny bit.
» what i call a bad day.
» ew ew ew ew ew.
» dont look at me.
» okay. no more posting until i finish this.
» Fast.
» hello to ten followers! (and a very self-hating post)
» salads and yet more rice.
» the fight of the wills

» September 2010
» October 2010
» November 2010
» December 2010
» January 2011
» February 2011
» March 2011
» April 2011

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well this marks the 11th hour of my liquid fast, started after lunch today. These few days (ie Thursday, Friday and Saturday) have been good, in intake. But as you know, the days before that have been terrible. I've been really busy over the past few days, and ive been trying to lay low on blogging, but ive found that even if I can't blog, ive become much too addicted to reading your blogs. I'm also going to update my layout coz im bored of it. :) i think ive already said that previously though. I cant see my posts, so sorry if i say things over and over since im blogging from email. ANYWAYS, intake?

Intake (Friday)

Breakfast: 1/3 bowl oatmeal (30)

Lunch: -

Dinner: 3/4 rice (150), 1 baby carrot (5), 2 florets of cauliflower (10?),

Total: Stuffed from rice = 195

Well, THAT went better than i thought.

Outtake:

3 hours of window shopping

1 hour of walking in neighbourhood

Friday.

Friday was my last day of term. It involved a lot of bludging through class coz everyone wasn't bothered to do work, and the teachers weren't bothered to teach. We also had a half-day,since its the Year 12 farewell, so we got to leave at 12 noon.Most people, after class, went to watch a movie. I went too. My so-called-friends (not surprisingly!) DIDN'T invite me to watch a movie, even though they had organised it a few weeks prior to Friday. (more on that in the next post). However, i tagged along with my other classmates (and a "recovering" anorexia who i believe is relapsing) We all ended up watching "Despicable Me". It was a random movie. I mean, it was about an animated criminal who wanted to steal the moon, and call it "the crime of the century". LOL. like THAT'S ever gonna happen. Anyways, we were to watch it before lunch, but by the time we got to the cinema, it was already starting. So after the movie, everyone was wanting food. Except me, obviously, and the "recovering" anorexic (who i shall call Aly). Aly only lives one street away from me, and I live pretty close to the town center; so we went home together straight after the movie. I knew for a fact that she wasn't going to have lunch takeaway, and was probably not going to have lunch at home (since she doesnt eat lunch at school). Well, i didn't go home. I went to the library, and said that my mum was going to meet me there. Not likely. I waited til she'd gone out of sight, and wandered around the shopping center for about 3 hours. I was not tempted to buy any food, even though i passed the food court a few times. The feeling of emptiness overwhelmed me; it was liberating. I didn't want dinner, but i was forced into it by my mum. i swear my stomach's getting smaller :) i felt really stuffed and wanted to just burn it all away.

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